Imperfections.

Yeah.. Shit happens. Things can get very confusing for me..

Coz sometimes the things you do just doesn't make sense to me. I need you to tell me straight what you mean when you do certain things.

I understand that you have to walk away whenever you're angry, that's how you cool off. but I forget things. I'm sorry..

But I admit i was wrong. I have my imperfections. And you've given me so many chances. And I appreciate that. But as much as I want to, I'm still trying to get things right.

I'm pissed and frustrated at myself.. It's not like I don't want to.. I love you so fucking much. And the pain I'm going through just to sort my imperfections out for you is nothing if it makes you happy.. I'd do anything to make you happy.

My mentor* use to tell me this..
"Change takes time, and along the way, mistakes will be made, big or small they are proof of a learning experience. And with that experience, will change only come.."

I'm not giving excuses nor have I done any of the pain i caused on purpose... But I really need you to know that this is the most definite way I can learn. It's from the mistakes that I've done.

Please believe me.. I love you..

-Chatt


*My mentor's name is Raymond. He was in NUS when he mentored me in secondary school for my anger management program then later he became a personal mentor, guiding me with certain things in life after the program was over in sec 4...

---

I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

I was at the top and I was like I’m at the basement.
Number one spot and now she found her a replacement.
I swear now I can't take it, knowing somebody's got my baby.
And now you ain't around, baby I can't think.
Shoulda put it down. Shoulda got that ring.
Cuz I can still feel it in the air.
See her pretty face run my fingers through her hair.

My lover, my life. My shorty, my wife.
She left me, I'm tied.
Cuz I knew that it just ain't right.

I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

When I be ridin man I swear I see her face at every turn.
Tryin to get my usher over, I can let it burn.
And I just hope she notice she the only one I yearn for.
Oh I miss her when will I learn?

Didn't give her all my love, I guess now I got my payback.
Now I'm in the club thinkin all about my baby.

Hey, she was so easy to love. But wait, I guess that love wasn't enough.

I'm goin through it every time that I'm alone.
And now i'm missin, wishin she'd pick up the phone.
But she made a decision that she wanted to move one.
Cuz I was wrong.

And I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything.
I said, if you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up.
And now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything.

I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

And I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream.
So I travel back, down that road.
Who she come back? No one knows.
I realize, yeah, it was only just a dream.

-Just A Dream by Nelly

When I met her..

So it was in the month of February, a day after her birthday.

We took a walk along the bridge down to the bay where we sat and watched the ships sail past beneath the night sky.

We talked. Like old friends, we couldn't stop.

I leaned against her, and she smiled.

Oh and her smile, brightens even the darkest skies.

God I miss her already...

Her siblings call her Icah (pronounces as "i - chah"/ cute right! haha)
Well I call her "baby" (mushhyy musshyy~ ) :P
She's an Aquarius.
She's one of a kind. She's everything to me.
She's cute, adorable, funny, bubbly, loving, independent, did i mention adorable? :D

She's my sun, she's my moon, she's the air i breathe..
(Sounds very exaggerated huh? Haha. But you get my drift..)

I felt like I can do anything that night. I felt like I could fly!
I've never felt so happy before.. She might just be the one? could be? maybe? probably :/
Whatever it is, when I hugged her that night, I just wanted time to stop. So that I can hold her tight in my arms forever..

Back to reality!

That was our first day out together.. After sending her off, I smiled all the way back home!
Boy, you cannot believe how in love I am with this girl..

It's the first time I felt this way in what..3, 4 exes? or was it 5? ( I'm sorry, I forgot. Crap -.- )

Anyways, there was also this other time we were having dinner at a local hawker centre called "Sinaran Catering". In the midst of waiting for our food to be served, you would never believe this.. My family came strolling in.. HAHAHA!

And when I say family, I meant mum, dad, sister, brother.. Now wasn't that an awkward moment... You should've seen the look on her face! She nearly freaked! Hahaha!

Alright..So we went over to join my family for dinner.. ( meet the in-laws? haha )
My parents were TOTALLY cool with me and her together.. How awesome can they be! HAHA. I love them so much. <3

And there are alot of other happy times we had. Unforgettable, every single one of 'em. If only I had a camera so that I can keep a solid memory of all our wonderful times together.. Hmm.. Alright, I'm gonna get a camera!

My 'ol pal Nicholas was talking to me about a Canon Powershot S95 and it sure sounds like what I need.. Maybe I'll check that out. :)

And you ask,"You've never fought with her in 6 months? That's amazing!"

Of course there were conflicts.. But I guess it's a matter of give and take?? We try sort things out in one way or another, talk things out try to make things better for our future..

But what I'm really afraid of is me hurting her.. I've got this crazy temper inside me.. A monster within that I have tried to control countless times yet failed. And I'm still trying to tame this... this Beast I call it. I've gone for courses, seminars, talks, and even mentorship programs on anger management and self-improving, self-reawakening shit, but all to no avail. Not that I've never tried. I've been trying since I was 6 (years old). It's just ridiculous, I swear.

If only there's a way to get rid of this stupid thing...Or maybe I'm not trying hard enough? :/

God, I pray that day won't come where I'd blow up infront of her. And with all the might that I have, I WILL try my very best to control this beast inside me to prevent any further harm towards my friends, family and loved ones, especially her.. Sometimes I do hate myself.. I guess it's karma for the bad things I've done in the past. :/

Oh well. Whatever happens, just know this..

I love you with my heart.. And I won't ever try to deliberately hurt you physically and/or emotionally, cause harm to you, nor leave you. This I promise you.. :)

And if I ever do break my promise in the future, please know I am truly sorry for my mistakes and that I will never have done whatever I did on purpose. If it was on purpose, it's for a good cause which I will most definitely inform you off...

If we ever have to part, well lets not hope for this.. I wouldn't know what I'd do without you.
It hurts just thinking about it..

I love you baby.

-Chatt

New blog skin, New Updates!

I'm back! And as a celebration, I decided to create a new blog skin!
What for? For the fun of it!

I'm pretty happy with it actually. Considering it's my first time designing a blog skin from scratch. :)
(Ooops! yes the old skins were designed by "professionals")

Boy I'm glad to be back. Alot has happened while I was away, alot to be updated. Which will be done slowly but surely.

But for now, the new blog skin! I like...

Ok I admit, I'm kinda impatient to update you with what I've been going through!
Ok ok.. *composes self*

First of all, remember my 'Remembering Sunday' series? Yeah that one. Well, lets just say Arron Chrome was left hanging by Juliet Rulle and he eventually got over her. So that series is over. Even though I can continue writing. Hmm.. Should I?
(I sense laziness. You lazy bastard!)
Huh? Who said that? o.o

Anyways, HEADLINE NEWS!
This should be on a new post but oh well..

I came across this particular lady last year in November while going about my troublesome life.
Oh, was she cute.. Well in my eyes atleast..

We began talking and one thing led to another. We've been happily together for 6 months now.. :)
No I did not forget you just coz I got a new girlfriend. (Hello?! I don't see why I should do that.. -.-)

As much as I would like to continue with my what-happened-while-I-was-away stories, I have to catch my sleep.

I'm down with a bad flu and a sore throat apparently. I HATE this feeling.
Oh well, I'll be updating soon.

Ciao!